


Let's Not Sleep Alone

by baeminhyuk



Series: There's Something About You And Me [6]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, Future Fic, Light Angst, One Shot, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-08
Packaged: 2019-06-23 15:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15609657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeminhyuk/pseuds/baeminhyuk
Summary: Three years after she ran away, Jennie comes back. It's not like Lisa's been waiting for her or anything. But still, the only thing she can do is grab Jennie's bags and tell her to come inside.





	Let's Not Sleep Alone

**Author's Note:**

> the whole-day flight to germany drained the hell out of me but at least i got a lot of writing done. another jennie x lisa future fic for ya'll. hope you enjoy this one!

 

Three years after they had broken up and she ran to away to London, Jennie comes back.

It's not like Lisa's been waiting for her or anything. God, sometimes it's hard to even remember what she looks like.  _(Jet black hair, deep brown cat-like eyes, legs for days, face that launched a shit ton of boats or whatever that expression was.)_  She's dated before. She dated a guy for one year, which, though it's really messed up to admit, was her longest relationship. Well, other than Bam, but that was so long ago and kind of silly, if you really think about it, that she doesn't think that really counts. 

She and Jennie were together, happy, and lived together for about two years. She bought a place and Jennie paid rent because she insisted that she didn't want to just live there for free, even though Lisa really didn't want to take her money. It was fine. It was fun. She loved her so much. She really did. But they kind of just ended. Their busy lives simply got in the way of things. There wasn't any big blow up. No cheating, no yelling, no kissing of exes. Just a natural finish, the end of a relationship. She's never really had that before. Not like it felt good or anything, but it certainly didn't feel as bad. 

The very last thing Lisa expects three years after her former bandmate left, is Jennie showing up at her house with a suitcase in her hand and no makeup on her face.

And really, the only thing Lisa can do is grab her bags and tell her to come inside.

 

* * *

 

Jennie is sitting on her sofa drinking from the glass of water she had brought her, and Lisa really hates that Jennie's just not talking to her. Actually, she hates that this is the first opportunity she's had to talk to her in three years. Not a word since she left for London. Lisa thought, at the time, that since they left things kind of ambiguous and open, Jennie would at least call her or text or  _something_. She texted her on her birthday that summer, but Jennie never responded, and she never tried to get in touch with her again.

She drains her glass and sets it on the table in front of her. When she meets the taller girl's eyes, she looks like she might start crying or something. Lisa honestly doesn't know what she'll do if that's the case.

Jennie hates that she has to do this, to be here and look at her and wonder how she's going to react to her knocking at her door. But when she decided to come back to Korea, Lisa was the first person, the  _first thing_ , she thought of. Even before Jisoo, or the family she's mostly distanced herself from. It went Lisa, Umma, Jisoo. That was the order she thought of things. And she should not question it, really. Only she and Lisa broke up and they haven't spoken. After all this time, you'd think she would have put something,  _someone_ , else first. And maybe she should have gone to Jisoo or her family first, but they would have asked far too many questions. She doesn't want to have to answer a bunch of queries after sitting in an extremely uncomfortable airplane seat for over 11 hours.

"I didn't know where else to go," she admits quietly. She looks down and wrings her hands together on her lap.

"How did you even know where I live?"

"Chaeyoung-ah," she says. "She gave me your address. She... I was going to send you something for your birthday."

She never did. Lisa scoffs and rolls her eyes. "You just decided to show up unannounced three  _years_  after we broke up?"

Lisa's bitter. Of course she is. Jennie doesn't really look surprised.

"Maybe I shouldn't have," she whispers. She's not getting up, though, and Lisa hates that she's happy about that.

But really, Jennie has always been her Achilles' heel. She can't resist her, can't say no to her. She honestly can't think of a time she ever really wanted to. Other than the day Jennie told her that she loved her then walked away. That one still hurts more than it probably should.

"No," Lisa says, sighing as she looks away from her. "I didn't mean... I just... What are you doing here?"

"I had to leave London,” she tells her, and Lisa sits across from her on the coffee table. She makes sure that she's not touching Jennie at all. She doesn't want to. Jennie looks like she might break if Lisa does. "I  _had_  to leave, and there was nowhere else to go."

Lisa's a little flustered that she came to her. 

"Okay." Jennie starts biting her thumbnail. She started doing that after Lisa nearly injured herself in one of their dance rehearsals, and it only ever really happened when she was nervous or scared about something. She know it's not her that's making Jennie nervous. Well, maybe a little bit, but not enough to warrant her looking this terrified. "Hey," Lisa says, and Jennie looks up at her. "What's going on, Ni?"

Jennie loves her for sounding concerned. This is why she came to her. No judgment. She worries about her more than she should, given everything, and it's silly and probably selfish, but she just needs to know that someone cares.

"I don't really want to talk about it, but... It was bad," she says quietly, tears in her eyes. She doesn't want to tell Lisa the whole story, not because she's worried what she'll think of her, but because she's worried it'll hurt her. "There was a guy, and..." 

"Okay," she says when Jennie doesn't finish. She thought that she would feel more, jealousy or something, when the porcelain-skinned girl inevitably made mention of a relationship. She's Jennie Kim; guys were constantly in line for her. "Do you need anything?"

She shakes her head, then looks at Lisa and chews her bottom lip. "I'm really tired."

Lisa nods and stands up. "Bedroom's through there. If you need..."

She cuts her off (surprises Lisa, too) when she stands up and wraps her arms around the taller girl, rests her head against her shoulder. "Thank you, Li.” Lisa nods, resisting the annoying urge to kiss her hair. "I promise... I promise I'll explain everything. I just..."

"It's okay," she tells her. It might not be, whatever it is she's gotten herself into, but this, her being here, somehow it's okay. Lisa doesn't want to think too much about why. "Just go rest. You want me to call anyone?"

"No," she says quickly, shaking her head as she pulls away and looks at the floor. "Please don't."

"Alright," she says.

Lisa watches her walk down the hall and into her bedroom, and she scrubs a hand over the back of her neck, because this, this taking care of her, is coming far too naturally. 

 

* * *

 

Jennie wakes up in the evening and realizes she's slept for more than three hours already. She wipes the sleep from her eyes, gets up and pulls her jeans back on, smooths out her top. She braids her hair and finds a hair elastic in her bathroom to hold it in place.

She can hear Lisa in the house. The television is on, and she hears her say something, probably to it. There's the distinct sound of a cork being knocked off a bottle of wine. She likes, for some reason, that Lisa doesn't seem too affected by the fact that she's in her house. She doesn't want her former bandmate worrying and fawning over her and babying her. (Not  _too_  much.)

Lisa mutes the television when Jennie walks into the living room, takes her feet down off the coffee table.

"Hey," she says. Jennie sees a hint of a smile, the first one since she showed up here. "Sleep okay?" She nods and grins a little bit. "Good. I ordered chinese takeout, our favorite. Should be here soon."

She's too good to her. Far too good for her. She doesn't think she deserves it, knows she doesn't, actually. But she sits down next to her and smiles anyway, because she doesn't want to remind her that she broke her heart and left. She's sure she doesn't have to.

“Thank you, Lisa-ya“ she says again.

Lisa doesn't say anything. Jennie is glad.

Their food arrives and Lisa tosses the remote at her and tells her to find something to watch while she digs her wallet out from her pocket. Jennie hears her joking with the delivery guy, and it's too comfortable,  _this_ , here with her. She remembers nights like this, quiet and just the two of them.

Those nights are the last thing she should be thinking about right now. The very last thing.

When she sits down, she passes Jennie her 'usual', if it can still be considered that after so long, and flops down on the couch next to her.

"This is a good one," Lisa mumbles with her mouth full, pointing to the episode of How I Met Your Mother playing on the television. "Funny."

She winks at Jennie when she looks her way. She knows that Lisa has no clue which episode this is. The fact that she's being silly and joking with her puts her more at ease than it should. She loves it.

 

* * *

 

Jennie spends the entire next day sleeping off her jet lag. Lisa doesn't mind that she's in her bed. She really doesn't mind. She slept on the couch during the night, and left for her recording session with a note on the kitchen counter telling Jennie to help herself to whatever she wanted and that she'd be home at around 3:00.

She honestly didn't expect her to be there when she got back from work.

Lisa sits on the edge of the bed while Jennie’s sprawled out in the middle. There's a lock of hair draped over her nose. It makes Lisa smile, and she itches to reach out and push it away, but there's some sort of line here, and she still doesn't know what the hell's going on with her, why she's running, why she's running to  _her_ , so she keeps her hands on her lap and watches her for a second.  

She nudges her shoulder a little bit, and Jennie sucks in a breath, but doesn't wake up. She used to wake her unnie up all the time when they were dormmates. Usually in really fun ways she's not allowed to do anymore. So she just shakes her shoulder a little harder until Jennie lets out a little noise and blinks her eyes open, brushes that lock of hair off her face.  

"Hey," she says quietly. Jennie smiles a bit and pulls the covers up over herself. It's really strange, Lisa thinks, how Jennie does all the exact same things she did in those months before she left. "It's like, 3:30." She nods and stretches. "You sleep all day?"  

"I'm  _jet lagged_ , Lisa,” she says, grinning just a little bit like she always did when she was joking, but sort of not. “How was your recording?”  

She shrugs. "Pretty much like how we used to do them. Studio. Lots of repetitions. Vocalizations. You know.”

Jennie smiles sadly and looks away. "Yeah."

(She doesn't know; hasn't remembered for a while. Their time as a band is caught somewhere between being a distant memory or some kind of dream she thinks she'll never recover from.)

 

* * *

 

Lisa hears the shower turn on sometime between her cooking some pasta and the start of her writing her responses to this magazine she was going to be on. It's really annoying that everything Jennie does reminds them of those few, short, stupid months they were actually a couple. Showers with her were always... intense. Jennie would shampoo their hair, then kiss her and they'd get distracted and the hot water would run out before they got a chance to rinse. So they'd sit on the bathroom floor wrapped in a huge fluffy towel, Jennie's chest to her back as they waited for some more hot water so they could finish. And yeah, that happened more than once.

She's not trying to get a glimpse of anything, she swears, but she goes into her room to grab some clothes for the next day, since she doesn't know if Jennie's planning on going straight to bed, and she doesn't want to wake her later if she needs to get them. Jennie steps out of the bathroom with one of her navy blue towels wrapped around her and her wet hair dripping over her collarbone.

"Sorry, I was..."

"It's your room," she reminds her quietly. "I hope it's okay that I showered."

Lisa pulls a face. "Kinda glad you did."

"Shut up." She almost, almost laughs. "I need to do laundry."

"Drop it in the basket. I'll do them tomorrow," Lisa explains. Jennie smiles in her direction. She's always admired how independent Lisa was.

She nods and reaches for the knot at her chest, holds it tightly. "Yeah, but I'm saying that I don't have anything to sleep in."

"Oh, right," Lisa mumbles. She hears Jennie laugh softly and she heads for the closet. She's standing behind the taller girl as she reaches way to the back for something, pulls it off the hanger. “Here.”

Jennie takes the black and white silk button down from her hand and looks at her. She smiles and furrows her brow. "You kept this?" she asks, disbelieving. 

She shrugs, stuffs one hand in the pocket of her pants and runs the other through her hair. "It's your favorite," she says, like that explains everything.

Or because it does explain everything.

Lisa heads back out to the living room. She comes out about an hour after. She's wearing just the shirt and a pair of clean white socks. She picks up one of Lisa’s many books on photography (Lisa’s always been in love with taking pictures) and starts reading through it, and sometime in the course of the two hours they sit there with her feet end up beneath Lisa's thigh, she deems photography absolutely exhausting. Reminded her way too much about how draining photoshoots are.

Lisa just smiles at her and tosses her a fortune cookie from where it was sitting on the end table from around three days ago. Jennie opens it and cracks the cookie, already has half of it in her mouth when she holds the fortune up to read it.

"What's it say?"

" _Your everlasting patience will be rewarded sooner or later,_ " she reads.

Their eyes meet and they both start laughing.

Jennie was anything  _but_  patient. Everyone who knew her, knows that.

Lisa taps the calf of the girl beside her with her pencil. "Probably later," she teases.

Lisa sees this gorgeous, sincere smile and decided that however long Jennie wants to crash with her and not tell anyone she's in the country, she'll be  _completely_  okay with it. 

 

* * *

 

Jennie thinks about calling Jisoo, but they aren't exactly on the best of terms right now. It's nothing that won't pass, but she doesn't want to make the first move when she doesn't think she did anything wrong.

She's sitting cross-legged in the middle of Lisa's perfectly-made bed (Lisa was really good at this domestic stuff; the two of them chatted while she helped fluff the pillows). She's wearing that favorite shirt and a pair of white cotton shorts. She's braiding tiny sections of her hair and using little colored rubber bands to tie them off. She's never been good with boredom.

She pads through the house, looking through Lisa's photo albums, her CDs, her books, her closet. She goes into the bathroom and looks through her medicine cabinet and smells her colognes, smiling when she finds a nearly-empty bottle of the one she always told Lisa was her favorite. She drinks milk from the carton (Lisa's always done it, too) and eats toast with strawberry jam for lunch.

She finds Lisa's favorite movie on the shelf and takes it back to the bedroom, sets it up, and lets it play while she lays beneath her sheets. They're clean, only slept on by her. It's really weird, she thinks, how they still smell so much like Lisa.

She falls asleep a quarter of the way through and only wakes up when the bed dips. She keeps her eyes closed, though, tries not to smile every time she hears Lisa laugh.

They lazy half-grin the taller girl gives her when she opens her eyes makes her feel something she hasn't felt in far too long.

“I fell asleep,” she says as she stretches.

Lisa laughs. “I know.” She tugs at one of the braids Jennie forgot was part of her morning doings. They're in random places. She might leave them on for a while. "Cute braids."

Jennie smooths her hand over her hair and flops back against the pillow again. "Don't make fun."

"Not making fun," Lisa promises. “They’re really cute, I swear."

Lisa hasn't called her cute in about 7 years. It's probably crazy that she's making her nervous.

And maybe it's stupid (or maybe it just proves how well Lisa knows her) but she loves Lisa for not asking all the questions she knows she wants to ask.

 

* * *

 

Sometime around 3:00 am on the fifth day she's there, Lisa's woken by a light in the kitchen and the sound of the tap running. She throws back the blanket she's been using on the sofa and walks through the house, trying to blink away sleep. Jennie is leaning back against the counter with a glass of water in her hand. She's wearing that shirt, like she has been every night, and her hair is a mess.  

"Sorry," she says quickly. "I tried not to wake you." Lisa shrugs and runs a hand over her neck. "Your hair's crazy." 

"So is yours," she shoots back. Jennie runs her hands through hers. Lisa doesn't do anything with hers. “Are you okay?”  

"I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep."  

"Still jet lagged?"  

“No,” she whispers, shaking her head and looking downward. "Just... thinking about stuff." Lisa nods, but doesn't know what else to say to that. "Do you have work tomorrow?"  

"Not until 2:00," she tells her.

Jennie finishes that last of her water, then sets the glass in the sink. "Can we talk? I think we need to talk.”

Lisa smiles across the kitchen and scrubs her hand through her hair. The way Jennie giggles tells her that she's just making it messier. "You want to talk at 3:00 in the morning?"

Jennie shrugs her shoulder and gives her this look that makes her want to do whatever Jennie wants. She's had the same look ever since they were fifteen years old. One of her earliest memories of Jennie involves that look and the two of them ending up in an emergency room because her idea of intense muscle conditioning involving a bench press and hundred pound weights was  _not_  a good one.

Still, Jennie must know she has her, because she grabs the latter's hand and starts walking back to the bedroom, pulling Lisa with her. Lisa manages not to weave their fingers together, but it's a struggle. 

Lisa hates her for coming back here and making her be like  _this_  again. Crazy over her and making choices that are probably stupid. Jennie has to know she's doing it, too.

Actually, she probably doesn't know how to stop. 

Jennie lays down on what's always been her side of the bed when they've shared one, and Lisa carefully drops herself over the covers on the other side. Jennie looks at her like she's crazy, so she hides her grin as she pulls back the sheets and slides her legs in. She's still sitting up, and Jennie's laying on her side with her hands tucked under her cheek like the innocent little girl she's never been. She doesn't say anything for a few minutes. Lisa doesn't really know if she should, but she does anyway, because being in a bed with Jennie is awkward enough without the silence.

"You said there was a guy," she says, remembering the first few minutes when she showed up out of nowhere and she already wanted to fix the broken girl.

"Yeah," she says. Jennie laughs softly, at herself, Lisa thinks. "Of course." She doesn't want to be bitter about it. But then Jennie sounds bitter, too. "He was... it lasted a while."

"How long's a while?" she asks. She knows she'll never be Jennie's longest relationship, not as it stands, but it kills her to think she might be among the shortest.

"Almost eight months, I think." She's not looking at her. Lisa wonders why she'd want to talk to her about this, before realizing she doesn't care, because she likes that Jennie knows she can. "He was this hot shot producer in London. I mean, that wasn't why I was..." Lisa nods, giving her an encouraging smile. "His family loved me."

"Beautiful, intelligent, talented Korean idol turned model? Can't imagine why."

She hits Lisa's thigh lightly with her fist and cracks a little smile. "They loved me and practically forced me to marry Kris and have kids with him." Lisa's eyes go wide and she just looks at her for a moment. "And we were okay, most of the time, I guess... Well, whatever."

"So, how'd you end up here?" she asks, because really, she doesn't want to hear about her relationship with some other guy, her getting married and having someone else's baby.

"I can't have a kid, Lisa,” she tells her seriously. "I mean, I can't even sit still long enough to get my make-up done. I can't have a kid." Lisa nods again, because she doesn't know what else to do. "And I realized that I didn't want all that with him. Like,  _ever_ , not even right now. I didn't love him so I kind of ran."

Lisa wants to laugh. She does a little bit. Of course Jennie ran. "Yeah, that's  _kind_  of your thing," she says before she can stop yourself. Jennie looks uncomfortable.

"Jisoo liked him for me, and Umma… she doesn't understand anything. I can't face them yet."

"I get it," she says, sinking down into the bed. "Wrath of Jisoo is not fun." Jennie laughs quietly and shakes her head. "But it's just a breakup."

She closes her eyes and gets comfortable, which apparently means shifting a little closer to Lisa. "Yeah, but she didn't exactly approve of my  _last_ breakup, either," she says, eyes still shut.

Jennie falls asleep and Lisa stays awake, laying there beside her, listening to her breathe.

 

* * *

 

She sleeps through her first meeting of the day. It's not her fault, though, because Jennie is pressed against her and her arm is asleep beneath Jennie, and she really doesn't want to wake her up. And this feels more important than work, to be honest. More important and a lot better. She lays awake with her eyes shut for a while, just laying next to her and smiling at the way Jennie still knees her in the thigh every time she moves. She always loved that, even when it woke her up at 4:00 in the morning.

Jennie lets out a hum sometime around 11:00, buries her face against Lisa's chest, and the latter pulls her in closer. She doesn't care if she shouldn't. Jennie might not realize she is who she is just yet, but she's going to take advantage of the fact that she's not moving away.

"I missed this," Jennie says after a few moments. Lisa breathes in deeply, nods, and her chin bumps the other girl's head gently. "You. This. I'm so sorry for everything, Li.”

"Yeah, it's okay," she whispers.

She doesn't know what to say, doesn't want Jennie to move, doesn't want her to run. Jennie kisses her and she lets her, and then she says Jennie's name, just  _once_ , and she doesn't remember any words after that.

 

* * *

 

Her first instinct is to leave before Lisa wakes up. It's her calling card and she hates that, but it's what she's always done. But Lisa's hand is warm on her bare skin and there's this very small dimple on the side of her chin that makes her look so sexy she can hardly breathe, and there's an ache deep in her muscles that's forcing her to stay exactly where she is. She wasn't lying; she missed waking up to Lisa.

Does it matter that she hadn't let herself miss it (admit she missed it) until she was with her again?

She doesn't know what her problem is. She shouldn't have done that, kissed her and pulled her on top of her and taken off their clothes. That shouldn't have happened. But Lisa has always been synonymous with  _comfort_ , and she's been amazing to her these past however many days, years,  _forever_. It's so easy to be with her, easy to fall into things with her, because it's always been (not very far) beneath the surface.

She's always loved her (a little, a lot, secretly,  _completely_ ) and Lisa's very,  _very_  good at reminding her of that.

So when she gets up, it's just to use the washroom and check her messages. And when she gets back into bed, Lisa's pressed against her immediately, chest to her back and hand on her thigh. And it's like three years ago, safe and real and something like a lifetime of  _almost_  quietly trying to be something a lot more than that.

 

* * *

 

It's hard to pull herself away from Jennie. It's even harder to admit to herself that this, whatever this is, probably doesn't mean all she wants it to. Jennie is staying with her for reasons she doesn't even understand (why her? why now?) and acting like no time has passed at all. Jennie kissed her first. She makes her feel all these things and Lisa loves it and hates it all at the same time.

It's so easy to want her. It always has been, ever since she's known Jennie when they were teenagers. That's been her problem all along, her fatal flaw with Jennie. She always wants her so bad, and she knows that Jennie tries, has tried, but it's never been quite  _enough_. Lisa will take what she can get, though, because she's Jennie and she's like some kind of drug to her.

And if Jennie could ever love her the way she knows _she_ could love her...

She tries not to think about it, because she feels like they already got so close to that, and she doesn't want to convince herself that there's any hope when maybe there never will be.

But they've never really called it 'over', and she knows a  _lot_  of hope lies in that, too.

 

* * *

 

Lisa is sitting at the edge of the bed with her back to her when the smaller girl wakes up again. Her elbows are on her knees and her head is down, and Jennie knows all her signs. This isn't a good one. The Thai only looks over her shoulder when Jennie moves closer.

"Hi," Jennie says quietly, suddenly shy (she rarely ever is that) as she pulls the sheets up around her a little more.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?"

Lisa take a breath, sits up straighter. “Nothing.”

"Li,” she laughs softly. She knows her too well to buy that lie.

"We shouldn't have done that," Lisa says softly, still just barely glancing at her over her shoulder.

Lisa always did know how to hurt her best.

"Why?" she asks. She hates this, not having her voice, being nervous around Lisa.

"You're on the rebound... or whatever it is you're doing. I can't just..." She turns her body a little bit. Jennie hopes that Lisa doesn't see how hard she's trying to just keep it together right now. "You can't just show up here out of nowhere."

"You knew where I was," she says, sitting up. "You didn't call me any more than I called you."

"We broke up, Ni," she reminds her seriously. "It's just  _so_  like you to leave, then come back and try to say everything's different, then act like it's completely the same. And you make me let you do it every single time."

"I didn't make you do anything."

Jennie wonders if she's been gone so long, if they've drifted far enough, that Lisa can't remember how big a deal it is that she's even _still_ here right now.

Lisa just smiles a bit and looks at her, shaking her head. "Jennie," she says, like they both know it's true and they've just never said it. They're quiet for a moment, and she's already planning her getaway. It's like Lisa can sense it now, because she moves closer and looks her right in the eye. “Don’t.”

"You just said that you didn't want me here. I think I'll leave before you decide to say anything else you've been holding onto since we broke up," she says bitterly, gathering more of the sheet around her.

The truth is, all she's ever wanted was someone to  _fight_  for her. Maybe she always leaves, but people always let her. Most of the time, she thinks that they let her leave more easily than they let her come back. They just say it's her way and that she'll do what she wants.

It's true, she supposes. All she's ever wanted was for people to care enough to miss her.

"I never said that I didn't want you here," Lisa insists, setting her hand on Jennie’s thigh. She wants to pull it away. She almost does, just to spite her. She's sick of playing that game, though. She wants to let Lisa fight for her if that's what she's going to do.  

Sometime in the last however many days (since she opened the door and welcomed her inside), she's come to remember how nice it is just to be with Lisa, around her.  

Lisa never did say she didn't love her anymore.  

Maybe they've spent enough time apart.  

"Of course I want you here," she says quietly. Lisa looks at her again, slides her thumb over her bottom lip. "I always wanted you here."  

"Why didn't you tell me that?" she asks.  

"Jennie." She sounds exhausted, like she's had this conversation with or without her so many times that Jennie should know all the answers. "You decided we were done. It killed me, but... Hell, I was still so in love with you." She tells herself not to be hurt that she's using the past tense. It's been three years. She was almost engaged to someone else. She knows Lisa lived with someone. "I didn't want to break up."  

“I know.”  

She watches Lisa's eyes close, then open slowly. It's not like she ever forgot what Lisa looks like, but it got a little blurry sometimes. It's silly, she knows, because she's known Lisa almost her whole life, but sometimes she'd try to think of her and couldn't get it right, her eyes or her lips or the curve of her jaw. She always thought it was weird how you could love someone (she won't kid herself anymore) and miss someone but not even remember their face.  

"I hate that you left," Lisa admits finally. "But I'm really, really happy you're back."  

Jennie shouldn't be as relieved as she is. She shouldn't have needed so badly to hear that. "I know I always make things so much more complicated than they need to be."  

Lisa shakes her head, smiles a little and leans in closer. “’S’not complicated," she insists. She's almost whispering as she leans over and Jennie’s forced onto her back again, Lisa half on top of her. "We're easy." She giggles and Lisa laughs. "You know what I mean."  

She nods and then Lisa's lips brush against hers. "Are you done thinking this was a mistake?" she asks.  

She knows the answer. It's nice to know Lisa will say the words.  

"I never did," she tells Jennie. "We were never a mistake."  

"Even when I broke your heart?  

She laughs. Jennie is so glad Lisa can tell when she's teasing. "Even then."  

“Are you still mad at me?” she asks.  

It feels really important, like if they can't get past what happened three years ago, they'll never, ever be anything more than just something they both want. It'll never be something they have, this relationship, because their apologies were never spoken and always just assumed. She's tired of playing pretend, acting like things are perfect when they aren't. She's done it all her life.

Lisa's always been the one  _real_  thing. She wants to keep her that way.  

"Who could stay mad at you?" Lisa asks, nose brushing against hers.  

She breathes out a quiet laugh, a humorless one. “Lots of people.”  

“Not me,” she promises. “I love you too much.”  

She gives the taller girl a coy smile, runs her hands up her back. "How much?"  

"You don't even wanna know," Lisa says, shaking her head a little bit, eyes closed.  

“Yeah, I do.”  

Lisa kisses Jennie, tugs the sheets away, makes up for lost time. Spends the rest of the day trying to prove words to her that she hasn't even said. Jennie lets her,  _wants_  her to, draws hearts on Lisa’s bare skin as she sleeps.

 

**Author's Note:**

> posting this today in celebration of bp's second anniversary! much love and thanks to our hardworking girls 
> 
> anywho, if you haven't noticed, my favorite trope is jennie running away and lisa waiting for her :( please send me some love and tell me what you guys think of this fic! i honestly write these fics just so i can read your comments so please do leave one, even anonymously :)


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